Space is our friend. We all need to feel safe in our bodies, minds and environments to function well. Since boundaries are abstract concepts we develop over time, kids just don’t get it. They blow past those lines we have because they haven’t gained the skills yet to do otherwise. What a great teaching opportunity! Let’s get those kids out of our bubble!

Why is it important to teach kids about boundaries? Short answer-because it will be an issue until they learn. Your kids have to seek you or an adult out to get their needs met because they are too little to meet many needs on their own. Learning about appropriate boundaries teaches them regulation, social skills and about keeping themselves safe. Here are my tips to help them get there.
~ First, rule out a couple things. If your child shows no hesitation with strangers-approaches them without hesitation, seeks immediate physical contact, and does not look to you for approval this may be a bigger issue. On the flip side, if your child is past the “stranger danger” phase (usually around 8-12 months) and displays a major fear response to strangers or new situations, seek the advice of a professional.
~Practice “gentle touch”. Sometimes kiddos get so excited or overstimulated that they respond with too much physical force to get attention or a need met. Show them what appropriate touch is when they need you-a tap, holding your hand, leaning against you-whatever feels the best and practice with them Explain that hits hurt your body but if they use “gentle touch” that, you will give them attention as soon as you can.
~Have a signal. Preschool aged children can grasp this concept well and this can be a fun way to teach nonverbal communication skills like eye contact and body language with a fun signal exchange. Practice this for when you are already involved in an activity that you do not want to be verbally interrupted for (on the phone, talking to someone else, watching GOT, etc).
~ Teach kids about how to approach others and how they want to be approached. I know back in the day it was considered polite to have a child hug a family member, or shake hands with a respected person. Here’s what we know now-not everyone likes to be touched and it can be harmful to not respect this. I ask kids how they like to say hello and goodbye and offer choices-a wave, a fist bump, a hug (if the child chooses this and it is an appropriate choice). I recommend practicing this with your child-it is truly a huge deal to allow them to choose and they are so much more likely to reciprocate this with others they meet.

~ Encourage your child to find a “safe space” at home that’s just their own to use when they need it. Kids are small and they tend to like small spaces. Make it fun for them and allow them to bring what they want into it (within reason of course!). They will better relate to respecting your space when they learn the value of having their own. Good luck with your good boundaries!
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